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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| I want to kill myself...to save the world of my sick self...how would I
do it you ask...since everyone reads this stupid shit...well I would
run my car into a bridge, into a lake, I am seriously worthless, I
don't know what is wrong with me....I fail at all things, I am on super
anything..I don't have a great body, my face is jacked..I don't have a
good voice, or good painting skills, or anything, not even
money....nope men run from me, babies cry and well women have
pitty....I am only good for an occasional rape, right>?? that is why
he did that to me, that was my purpose, it is filled, and now maybe I
should go...I told myself to shut up, but then as though an alter ego
it started again......I am no one special....i am invisible, will I
ever do anything but be fucked,,,,I hate myself....still ....the pretty
girls come into the resturant on a Sunday afternoon, sit at my table
and are all dressed so vigrin like...they take one look at me, grow
quiet and order their stupid ass "diets' and a side salad...the
kinda girl I won't ever be, the kinda girl a guy would date, not rape,
or if he did....well all men are asses so I am not about to say that
dont count...i would kill them if I knew they touched one of those
girls i wish I was,,,thing is they won't even talk to my stupid
ass...they just laugh and shit and say poor girl....yhea well, it burns
me but what the hell....the alley cat doesn't even like me...he thinks
I am fat, and rejects me tuna, well fuck that stupid thing too, I need
a friend, I need a release...a smoke, a drink, some say church but what
would god want with a whore like me....
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| FUCK THEM those who talk behind my back as though they are so great and I am nothing. I know what they say and I don't give a fucking fuck | | |
| I look in the mirror, and I see my fat reflection, I feed off the anger that grows within me to be anything but my ugly self. I want to kill myself, I have a plan and I laugh in my head when It hink of how clever I am to be in my own world, and oh how they will pay for all the hurt they have given me. I will die, and go far far away, so that they can't hurt me any more. I want to be loved, but there are no arms to hold me, I want to be kissed but the only lips there are come from liars. I don't know what I want, but I know I long for something other than myself, because I am defective. I want to cut myself into a million pieces, and hide them in the dirt where they belong, I know I am probably so wrong for thinking this, but I have gone off the deep end, and I want this hell of a life to end. I want to be something diffrent inside. | | |
| I wish that I could explain how I am feeling, but there are not enough words in the dictionary to tell how empty I feel. I ask God what is my purpose, why I feel so horrible and empty and unloved, but then there is this desire to hear God's voice that I am something, that my life is not a shit hole. That I am not a worthless piece of crap, I wish that didn't always feel like no one liked me. Why can't I just have confidence.Why can't I just be me with out the fake pretend of living a lie. I am so evil, if the world only knew, they would lock me away forever. | | |
| I am ready to find out who I am but I have nothing to find, which in itself is werid, because I know in the depths of my soul what I am, who I am. It makes me vomit when I look in the mirror. I have this pitcture of who I want to be, of this life that I want to have but I am thinking that this will never happen. I want so many things like a man who will love me for who I am, and not for my body so he can have sexual pleasure. I want a love so badly, but I think that is something that I will never find because I am not worth that, and then I want to be worth that. I hate this so much, why am I in so much torment, why am I taunted by this fact, that laughs in my face and leaves me bleeding for something that is seen but never had, only in movies are the lucky ever finding happiness, I think that I want to die again, I have been doing good, but I really only find myself on this stupid thing when I am lost. I feel so ugly and inadequite, so stupid. I want to be any one else than my stupid self. I wish that I could go away, or at least find something good in my fat sick self. I wonder if I could ever find a way out of this darkness. I try and I pray but I think that I am destine to be alone to never find someone who will love me for who I am, not because I can have sex. | | |
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